Another Mother’s Day is upon us. Have you called your mom yet? Why not, you awful, awful child? I did. I even got her a gift. Also, my dad can beat up your dad. But seriously, you should call your mother; you know how she worries.

Anyway, if you’re looking for a reason to put off making that call, you can have a look at our “7 things to do with old motherboards” list. I promise it won’t make you feel guilty or anything!

7. Take an axe to it. Admittedly, this one is a bit uninspired. But if you’ve ever had a compy that’s given you nothing but headaches since the day you bought it, this is a great way to achieve closure (and to test out that new axe you just bought).

6. Make a tapestry. I kind of dig the monochromatic look of this thing. It kind of reminds me of a Star Destroyer, with all the greebles and such. I’d put this on my wall. And then I’d be single for the rest of my life.

5. Make a clock. I like this project because it combines multiple computer parts. A CD-Rom clock face and a magnetic platter pendulum. Also, it’s a clock. And everybody loves clocks!

4. Drastically lower your car’s resale value. “Those are motherboards. They make the car go faster.” Well, probably not. In fact, it’s almost a certainty that one of these boards is going to fly off your car on the interstate and cause multiple fatalities. Still, it looks pretty cool. And in the end, isn’t that all that matters? The answer is no. Don’t do this.

3. Upgrade your pickguard. What could be better than combining your love of computers with your need to play some monster riffs? Well, this is #3 on the list, so obviously there are two things that are better. Actually, it’s only #3 because I’m a Telecaster man. But still, r0ck 0n!

2. Decorate your wall (again). Yes, this one is similar to #6. But I ranked this one higher because while #6 is really only background music, this one has a pretty strong engineering “geek” thing goin’ on — and I mean that in the best sense of the word. Chris Harrison produced these for himself and later for a fab lab. They’re just cool, and they seem to respect the technology as tool, rather than simply use the boards as an artifact of the modern world.

1. Recreate a masterpiece of Western art. This piece sits at the entrance to the ASUS headquarters in Taiwan. Personally, I think it’s pretty BA. While it’s true that it was probably generated in a manner similar to the way that photomosaics are created, it still takes a LOT of work to cut up all those mobos, match them to a particular tonal value, and then mount them in place 3-dimensionally. “A” for effort. “C” for originality.

Well, that’s it. Of course, there’s lots more things you could probably come up with to do with an old motherboard. Got your own idea? Let me know by posting it in the comments! This isn’t a contest or anything — I just wanna see what you can come up with.

Now, go call your mom!

Happy Mother’s Day!