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May 6, 2011 AT 3:42 pm

Tech experts focus on “future of Postal Service” – Post your ideas!

Us Postal Service Logo

Tech experts focus on “future of Postal Service”

Some of the folks responsible for developing and promoting e-mail, e-commerce and social media are banding together in an attempt to save the US Postal Service, the institution arguably most threatened by the technological developments of the past few years. As mail volume continues to plummet and more Americans use the Internet to pay bills and keep in touch, Google executives, social media experts and some of the most passionate tech evangelists are planning to meet in Crystal City in mid-June to sort out how to save and remake the nation’s mail delivery service. The conference, PostalVision 2020, is designed to bring together the people who understand what this technology has done, is doing and will do to digital commerce and communication in America. USPS anticipates losing about $7 billion during the fiscal year that ends in September and is in the process of eliminating 7,500 postmaster and administrative positions to save money.

If Google runs the USPS, robots will open your mail and apply small relevant ads on your letters. Competitors of these advertisers will then intercept your mail and remove the ads before you open it.

If Facebook runs the USPS, they’ll keep track of the list of people you get and send mail to, your interests … and these lists will be sold to the highest bidder in addition to being transferred to the CIA. Your mail will automatically taped to your walls, your mailbox will also be open at all times unless you use the easy to configure 64 button control panel located on each Facebox (TM).

If Twitter runs the USPS, you’ll only be able to get and send postcards 140 millimeters x 140 millimeters.

If Adafruit runs the USPS, you’ll get free mail service but you’ll need to make the paper yourself (free tutorials & plans online, we will also sell a paper making kit).

Update: From the comments…

If Sony runs the USPS, you will be sued if you use unauthorized paper, your personal data will be violated and compromised, and the only letters that will fit in your mailbox will be ones that have the “PostageStick” form factor.

If Microsoft runs the USPS, you can only send letters up to 640,000 characters long, and they must begin with the letters “MZ”.

Post up your predictions in the comments.


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10 Comments

  1. If Sony runs the USPS, you will be sued if you use unauthorized paper, your personal data will be violated and compromised, and the only letters that will fit in your mailbox will be ones that have the “PostageStick” form factor.

    If Microsoft runs the USPS, you can only send letters up to 640,000 characters long, and they must begin with the letters “MZ”.

  2. If Intel* runs the USPS, you won’t be able to send mail to anyone unless they have opted in to receive mail from you, and they will have to renew that option every six months.
    Becasue your single mailbox was getting too busy, you will be forced to upgrade to quad and octo mailboxes,and each letter will automatically be split into small pieces and placed in each mailbox. To recombine it simply download the "Intel (r) Turdo Speed (TM) Quad-to-Singlo E-reader Appup App, with Integrated McAffee Spam Filter, with daily update feature"

  3. If Groupon runs the USPS, your package gets delivered only if fifty other people order that item at the same time.

  4. If Yahoo ran the USPS it would go the way of the USPS.

  5. If AT&T ran the USPS your mail would go missing half the time and would be mangled the other half. Mailing a package at a reasonable rate would require a two year mailing commitment. The cost of mailing an envelope would be $0.05, but would have a $3.45 handling fee. You would only be allowed to mail a large package if you also mailed two smaller packages and fifteen envelopes.

  6. If Wall Street runs the USPS, any money you send through the mail will be stolen, and nobody will ever go to jail for it.

  7. If Apple ran the USPS, every mailer will have to register to the $99/Yr Mail Developer Program.
    Additionally, each mail will be reviewed by Apple and may be sent back to sender at Apple’s discretion.
    The receiver will then have to pay $.99 to be authorized to open the mailbox and retrieve the mail.

    Great experience is nonetheless guarranteed. And expect each mailbox update to be magical, revolutionary.

  8. If Apple ran the USPS, every mailer will have to register to the $99/Yr Mail Developer Program.
    Additionally, each mail will be reviewed by Apple and may be sent back to sender at Apple’s discretion.
    The receiver will then have to pay $.99 to be authorized to open the mailbox and retrieve the mail.

    Great experience is nonetheless guarranteed. And expect each mailbox update to be magical, revolutionary.

  9. How about just repealing the private express statutes that made competing with the USPS illegal?

  10. If Mike Godwin ran the USPS, Hitler.

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