I cry a million times a year for a million different reasons in front of a million different people, but I also learned a lot from it.
Positive ways that logging affected my life:
I decided that it’s not that big of a deal to cry in front of other people, so I’m way more open about my feelings now. I still worry about making other people uncomfortable, but I try very purposefully not to brush off my own feelings out of fear of vulnerability or embarrassment.
I am more self-aware when I’m upset about something, and I am slightly more able to articulate my emotions as I am feeling them.
I realized that the sorts things that make me cry change over time, because I either adapt to the situation or learn how to change it. For example, when I started logging, I cried a lot because planning things with my family felt stressful. Planning with my family still feels stressful, but I learned to manage the situation by 1) being more proactive about planning (instead of being upset that others aren’t) and 2) changing my expectations when I don’t feel like being proactive.
Negative ways that logging affected my life:
I Pavlov’s dogged myself: it became a compulsion to check the time every time I started (and stopped) crying, which I kind of think is funny, but also not.
Logging took me out of the moment and introduced a layer of distance via analysis when I probably should have just been feeling my feels. This became especially problematic towards the end of the project, when I tried to categorize cries as they were happening (because I wanted to create a real-time crying dashboard), and when I started logging cries with an intensity of 0 (times that I was at the brink of crying, but didn’t). I was basically exploiting my own emotions, which was not a great thing.
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